This has been on my mind a lot lately
Category: Real Life
Current mood:  blank

So, I am sure you all know me by now... I am sure, you all know what I have done. I'm sorry for all I did. Coming here, I thought I would make friends, have fun, get to know other k-pop/j-pop/c-pop and other Asian music fans. Of course, like most things. I f***ed it up. But, I'm only human. I know what I do is, weird to others, but we all have those moments. We all have those times, where we need a friend... I am not asking for pity, or trying to get pity. I am simply idk, express my thoughts. Like, a normal human can, right? Yeah, I posted about my disorders. I vent to people I hardly know.... But that is all it was, venting. Like, if you need someone to talk too... I am here to listen and try to help in anyway I can. It sucks feeling alone... I feel alone... Does anyone reach out to me? Hardly. Like, I want this place to be full of more, love. 

Idk why I am typing this, but, its just... I feel so alone and I see everyone having a good time. Yes, I know this is for fun and to make friends, but not everyone can differ, RL, and IC. It's hard... Very hard.... Mostly for someone like me... I try to explain my thoughts, I try to explain my feelings... but it only seems, to push people away... I understand people have a life, I understand that they can't get to all replies and that they may have a lot to write. I understand I need to reply to a person... Sorry if you are reading this... I'll get to it, promise. I know, no one will read this, but... I am deeply sorry.... For talking to anyone... for trying to make friends... for trying to be me when people tell me to be myself... I love Joon, and other folks that talk to me on discord... kinda... But I'm not a bad person... I try so hard, not to be a bad person...

Yes, I know I make a lot of accounts, but dammit, its because I have ideas... I have ideas for those accounts, but when I try to put it out there, it seems to crash. I try to add spam those that are active, to only get cut down because, I'm not part of the, friend group? I can write, I want to write more. I just... I just want things the way they used to be when I joined.... I want someone.... to understand the pain I have and is willing to let me express it without fear of losing them as a friend... This is all my RL feelings... I know... It's why I put it in the Real Life category. I sit here, crying because I just feel like, I should leave and let everyone have their fun, but I stay because of the friends I did make and keep.

I wanted to make an apology letter to all those I feel like I wronged in some way, but it won't be accepted. No matter what I write. I understand you guys want to escape the life we live in... Sometimes, someone has to have that one outlet, ya know. Again, I'm not looking for pity, sympathy  or anything else along those lines. Just, can we stop the fighting, the hating, the stupid bullsh*t? If the idols saw their fans, fighting each other and not doing what they promote, which is Love yourself, Love each other... They see fans fighting, it will just break their hearts. We are all here, because we love what they do and we love who they are. I think, it's just time to put all differences aside for once, and come together as a community. Come together as one. Come together... as a family. Not be separated by all this hate, or all this, pick and choose. We are all great writers and we all should be able to express ourselves regardless. The idols, they want us to join together and be a great community full of love and full of positivity... Why can't we be like that? Why can't we all get along and help one another when other's need it? Not bash them for their mental illnesses or for how they act. Calmly talk to the person, calmly approach them as a friend and not judge them or not try and get a better understanding..

Please, let's just, come together. Let's make this place as if our idols are watching. Not be separated like we are. We are here for the love we have for our idols... Let's help each other... Not fight... Not judge... Not push aside someone's venting. If anyone needs to vent, message me. I may have stress and sh*t in my life, but that don't mean I won't try my best, to be that friend you need. Let's stop the hate. Please. I don't hate anyone here. Please... Let's just... end the senseless fighting... We are all a family. We are all one.....